I called my boss this morning and asked him "What's the difference between work and your wife?"
He says "What?"
I said "I'm not coming into work today!"
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
"You are so kind, funny and beautiful."
"Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed."
"And smart, too!"
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
Doctor: "Do you do sports?"
Patient: "Does sex count?"
Patient: "Then no."
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
What kind of bees make milk?
What's long and hard and full of semen?
Man to his priest: "Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl."
The priest: "Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once."
Man: "And that frees me from my sin?"
Priest: "No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin."