Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why are most hurricanes named after women?
Because when they come they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and your car.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She replied, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 6663629."
Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close his casket.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years, your job will still suck.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
My boss walked straight up to my desk as I was watching porn today and said.
"Do you think I pay people to do that?"
"Probably," I replied, "You're not exactly the best looking guy in the world."