Dirty Jokes

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Dirty Jokes

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.

After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, โ€œDamn, I wish I had a flashlight!โ€

The woman says, โ€œMe too, youโ€™ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!โ€

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My son is now at that age where heโ€™s curious about the human body.

I guess Iโ€™ll have to hide it somewhere else now...

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Got an e-mail today from a โ€˜bored housewife 33, looking for some action!โ€™.

Iโ€™ve sent her my ironing, thatโ€™ll keep her busy.

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Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œBen Dover.โ€

โ€œBen Dover, who?โ€

โ€œBen Dover and Iโ€™ll give you a big surprise!โ€

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A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

โ€œIf I do 200 mph, will you take off your clothes?โ€ he asked.

โ€œYes!โ€ said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.

The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

โ€œGo and get help!โ€ he cried.

โ€œBut I canโ€™t. Iโ€™m naked, and my clothes are gone!โ€

โ€œTake my shoeโ€, he said, โ€œand cover yourself.โ€

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station.

Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, โ€œPlease help me! My boyfriendโ€™s stuck!โ€

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, โ€œThereโ€™s nothing I can do... heโ€™s in too far.โ€

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Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.

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Two sperm swimming side by side were having a conversation.

One sperm asked the other, โ€œHow far till we reach the Fallopian tubes?โ€

The other replied, โ€œNo sure, but we just passed the esophagus.โ€

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Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.

The first one says, โ€œMy daddy is so cool he can eat four burgers at one meal.โ€

The second one says, โ€œThatโ€™s nothing. My daddy can eat six.โ€

Little Jonny starts laughing and says, โ€œMy Daddy can eat light bulbs.โ€

The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks his daddy can eat light bulbs.

Little Jonny replies, โ€œLast night I was passing my parentโ€™s room and my daddy said โ€˜Honey, turn out that light. I want to eat that thingโ€™.โ€

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Your mommaโ€™s so ugly, when she goes into a strip club, they pay her to keep her clothes on.

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Yo momma is so stupid, she put cat food down her pants to feed her pussy.

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