Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
I have no interest in having kids, but can we practice anyways?
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Baghdad.”
“Baghdad, who?”
“I’d love to see you Baghdad butt up.”
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If a woman sleeps with 10 men, she’s a slut, but if a man does it... He’s gay, definitely gay.
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How is life like a penis?
Your girlfriend makes it hard.
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What does a man who had a vasectomy have in common with a Christmas tree?
Their balls are both decorative.
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Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
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A man was sun bathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says snickering, “If you were a gentleman, you’d lift your hat.”
He raised an eyebrow and replied, “If you weren’t so ugly, it would lift itself.”
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Three guys decide to stop for a drink after work on Christmas Eve.
One thing leads to another, and they end up barhopping all night.
While going to one last place, they get in a terrible accident and all three are killed.
They find themselves standing in front of the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter tells them, “Boys, you’re in luck. Since it’s Christmas, we have a special policy. Show me anything that shows that you’re celebrating the day, and you get into Heaven.”
One guy pulls out his lighter and flicks it, “Christmas candle!”
St. Peter: “OK, it’s a stretch, but you’re in.”
The second guy pulls out his keys and jingles them, “Christmas bells!”
St. Peter: “Whatever, you’re in.”
The third guy pulls a pair of women’s panties out of his pocket.
St. Peter says, “Hold up. I’m willing to stretch a point today, but what do panties have to do with Christmas?”
Guy: “They’re Carol’s.”
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A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work.
One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
“Oh My God, hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled at her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”
“I can’t jump out the window!” came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. “It’s raining out there!”
“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied.
“He’s got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!”
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window.
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon. He started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.
It wasn’t that effective.
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh yes,” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you’re running.”
Another runner moved alongside, “Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?”
“Oh, yes,” he answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home.”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Only if it’s raining.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Dozer.”
“Dozer, who?”
“Dozer the biggest breasts I’ve ever seen.”
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