Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
So a village boy and a modern girl fall in love and want to try 69.
The boy doesn’t know about 69, so the girl takes the lead.
He lies down on the floor, and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts out uncontrollably directly in his face. Embarrassed, she stands up and apologizes.
She squats down for another go, but farts again, this time even louder than before. She gets up and apologizes again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend, red with anger, gets up hurriedly, and runs out saying, “If you think I’m gonna lie there and be farted 67 more times in my face, you are mad!”
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I was so poor as a child that
If I didn’t wake up with a hard on Christmas Day, I didn’t have anything to play with.
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Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.
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“Hi there, I heard that you are a huge fan of Dee.”
“Dee who?”
“DEEZ NUTS!”
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If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment.
If a woman talks dirty to a man, that’ll be $6.50 a minute.
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!”
The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”
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A poor man meets a rich man at Christmas.
The poor man asks the rich man, “What are you getting your wife this Christmas?”
The rich man replies, “Diamond earrings and a Mercedes.”
The poor man asks, “Why are you getting her two gifts?”
The rich man says, “Well, if she doesn’t like the earrings, then she can drive to the store and exchange them.”
The poor man nods.
Then the rich man asks him, “So what are you getting your wife this year?”
The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, “A pair of slippers and a dildo.”
The rich man asks, “Why those two things?”
The poor man astutely responds, “This way, if she doesn’t like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.”
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A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year-old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh, I see,” replied the boy pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.”
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package?”
The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys—one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.”
“Cool,” says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answers, “Two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy. “Then who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies, “Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March...”
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“I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife.
She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”
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What goes in hard and dry, then comes out wet and soft?
Chewing gum.
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