Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!”
The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”
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We just found out Grandpa is now addicted to Viagra.
Nobody is taking it harder than Grandma.
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“I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife.
She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”
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Do you like bacon? Want to strip?
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Yo mama so hairy, she has Afros on her nipples.
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What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney?
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
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A carrot, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives.
The carrot said, “My life sucks. When I get big and fat, they cut me up and cook me.”
The pickle said, “When I get big and fat, they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar.”
The penis said, “When I get big and fat, they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against the wall till I throw up and pass out!”
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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. She usually slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”
When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April.
The teacher said, “Very good!”
And April fell back asleep.
A while later, the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?”
But April didn’t even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April.
The teacher said, “very good!”
And April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question, “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time, April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!”
The Teacher fainted.
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Owls always look like they just saw a penis for the first time.
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