Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
A man went to the doctor because he was having problems with premature ejaculation.
“Try surprising yourself when you feel like you’re about to ejaculate,” the doctor said.
That following day, the man went to the store, purchased a starter gun, and dashed home to his wife.
That night, the two were making love and ended up in position 69.
The man felt the need to ejaculate and pulled out the starting pistol.
The next day, he returned to the doctor, who inquired about his progress.
The man answered, “Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my manhood, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air.”
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Why is Santa so damn jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty women live.
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I’m 45 years old, and I just bought my very first sports car.
My girlfriend thinks I’m going through a midlife crisis.
But what would she know? She’s only 18.
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My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, but the librarian told me to take it out.
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You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Khan.”
“Khan, who?”
“Khan-dom broke. I hope you’re on the pill!”
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A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Little Johnny says, “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”.
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
“And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says, “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.”
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Remember, Christmas isn’t about how big the tree is, or what’s under it.
It’s about who’s around it.
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Regular Santa: “Ho, ho, ho!”
Gay Santa: “Haaaayyy, haaaayyy, haaayyy!”
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If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are... you have small boobs.
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