Dirty Jokes



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Dirty Jokes


Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œBaghdad.โ€

โ€œBaghdad, who?โ€

โ€œIโ€™d love to see you Baghdad butt up.โ€

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What does a man who had a vasectomy have in common with a Christmas tree?

Their balls are both decorative.

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Iโ€™d love to get on my knees and show you my best donut smile.

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One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, โ€œMy elbow really hurts; I guess I should see a doctor.โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t do that! Thereโ€™s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ๏ฟก10.โ€

Jeffrey figured he had nothing to lose, so he took his urine sample to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the ๏ฟก10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.

After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:

โ€œYou have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.โ€

Late that evening, whilst thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited ๏ฟก10.00.

The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

โ€œYour tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins.

Your daughterโ€™s using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wifeโ€™s pregnant, with twin boys. They arenโ€™t yours, get a lawyer.

And if you donโ€™t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!โ€

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If a man talks dirty to a woman, thatโ€™s sexual harassment.

If a woman talks dirty to a man, thatโ€™ll be $6.50 a minute.

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Do you know how to say โ€˜I love youโ€™ while sixty-nine?

You donโ€™t, itโ€™s rude to talk with your mouth full.

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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. She usually slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, โ€œTell me, April, who created the universe?โ€

When April didnโ€™t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

โ€œGOD ALMIGHTY!โ€ shouted April.

The teacher said, โ€œVery good!โ€

And April fell back asleep.

A while later, the teacher asked April, โ€œWho is our Lord and Savior?โ€

But April didnโ€™t even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

โ€œJESUS CHRIST!โ€ shouted April.

The teacher said, โ€œvery good!โ€

And April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question, โ€œWhat did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?โ€

And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time, April jumped up and shouted, โ€œIF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, Iโ€™LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!โ€

The Teacher fainted.

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Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good โ€œKarmaโ€ Sutra positions we can try.

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Yo momma is so stupid, she put cat food down her pants to feed her pussy.

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Imagine a day where you see... DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR FACE!

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