Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
Your belt looks really tight. Can I loosen it for you?
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It’s okay if your phone autocorrects “fuck” to “duck”.
You’re still using fowl language.
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Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
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Yo mama so sexy, the door hit her on the way out.
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“Hey, are you familiar with Landon?”
“Landon who?”
“Slip, fall then landon DEEZ NUTS!”
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So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69.
Apparently, “I do” is not the correct answer.
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A man is visiting his elderly father in a care home.
The man asks how his father is settling in.
“Oh, it’s wonderful, son. I’ve made some great friends, I’m well rested and at night the nurses give us a hot chocolate and a Viagra before bed every night”.
When, leaving, curious to know about the Viagra, he asks a nurse.
“Excuse me, my dad told me that you serve him hot chocolate and a Viagra before bed every night, why?”
The nurse replies, “Oh, the hot chocolate is to help them fall asleep.”
“And the Viagra is to stop them rolling out of bed.”
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Why men’s voice is louder than women?
Men have an antenna.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ben Dover.”
“Ben Dover, who?”
“Ben Dover and I’ll give you a big surprise!”
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A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
His wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!”
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