Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
A man went to the doctor because he was having problems with premature ejaculation.
“Try surprising yourself when you feel like you’re about to ejaculate,” the doctor said.
That following day, the man went to the store, purchased a starter gun, and dashed home to his wife.
That night, the two were making love and ended up in position 69.
The man felt the need to ejaculate and pulled out the starting pistol.
The next day, he returned to the doctor, who inquired about his progress.
The man answered, “Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my manhood, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air.”
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Husband: “Hey honey, how about a 69 tonight?”
Wife: “The number you have dialed is not in service at this time.”
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A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year-old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh, I see,” replied the boy pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.”
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package?”
The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys—one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.”
“Cool,” says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answers, “Two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy. “Then who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies, “Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March...”
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Are you a plumber? I have a pipe that needs blocked.
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“Hey, I think you need some of these.”
“Some of these what?”
“Some of... DEEZ NUTS!
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Remember, Christmas isn’t about how big the tree is, or what’s under it.
It’s about who’s around it.
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Do you like bacon? Want to strip?
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Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
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I hope you remembered my name, since you’ll be screaming it later.
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I’m 45 years old, and I just bought my very first sports car.
My girlfriend thinks I’m going through a midlife crisis.
But what would she know? She’s only 18.
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