Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
What do you call a sex toy on a Christmas tree?
A dickoration.
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Yo Mama’s like a library, open to the public.
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While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.
His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”
Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.
“That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.
Later that evening, as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.
Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”
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Yo mama is like a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.
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“Hey, I think you need some of these.”
“Some of these what?”
“Some of... DEEZ NUTS!
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How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
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I’d love to get on my knees and show you my best donut smile.
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Yo momma so stupid, she stuck a battery up her behind and said, “I GOT THE POWER!”
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A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
His wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!”
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My son is now at that age where he’s curious about the human body.
I guess I’ll have to hide it somewhere else now...
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