Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
Seems like you sat on a big bag of sugar since you have such a sweet ass.
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“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled, “I’m so wet, give it to me now!”
She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
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“Hey, I think you need some of these.”
“Some of these what?”
“Some of... DEEZ NUTS!
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One day, two best friends—Jay and Bob—were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay’s leg and bit his dick.
Since no one was around for miles, Bob called a hospital and told the doctor, “Quick, quick, I need your help, my friend got bit by a snake on his penis.”
The doctor told him, “Son, you’re going to have to suck the venom out yourself.”
Bob asked, “Please, doctor, there has to be another way to get rid of the venom.”
The doctor says, “Sorry, there’s nothing we can do.”
So Bob goes running to his friend and when he gets there, Jay says with pain, “So what did the doctor say?”
Bob says, “Doctor said you’re going to die.”
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There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
The next morning, an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads “If you can catch me, you can have me”.
As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.
After this, he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week.
The next morning, an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less.
Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up.
The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says “If I catch you, you’re mine!”
The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
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Your belt looks really tight. Can I loosen it for you?
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Imagine a day where you see... DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR FACE!
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What does Santa Claus have in common with a teenage boy?
They both empty their sacks into socks while the family is asleep.
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What do tofu and dildos have in common?
They’re both meat substitutes.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Quiche.”
“Quiche, who?”
“Can I have a hug and a quiche?”
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