Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Baghdad.”
“Baghdad, who?”
“I’d love to see you Baghdad butt up.”
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A carrot, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives.
The carrot said, “My life sucks. When I get big and fat, they cut me up and cook me.”
The pickle said, “When I get big and fat, they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar.”
The penis said, “When I get big and fat, they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against the wall till I throw up and pass out!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Can I come in?”
“Can I come in, who?”
“You...”
😄 😄 😄
What does Santa Claus have in common with a teenage boy?
They both empty their sacks into socks while the family is asleep.
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Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
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Why does Mrs. Claus always pray for a white Christmas?
Because she’s married to a guy who comes once a year.
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“Don’t sit on that!”
“Sit on what?”
“Sit on DEEZ NUTS!”
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Men at 25 play football.
Men at 40 play tennis.
Men at 60 play golf.
Have you noticed how as you get older, your balls get smaller?
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“Do you know who is coming to our party later on?”
“Yeah, Dee is.”
“Dee, who?”
“DEEZ NUTS!“
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There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
The next morning, an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads “If you can catch me, you can have me”.
As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.
After this, he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week.
The next morning, an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less.
Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up.
The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says “If I catch you, you’re mine!”
The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
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