Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
After all these years, how do Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus keep the marriage fresh?
Toys.
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This guy had devoted his whole working life to his job in a pickle factory.
Then one day, he got home from work and told his wife he’d been fired from his job.
She was very upset at this and angry at the company he’d worked for, shouting, “You’ve given that firm twenty years of devoted service. Why the hell did they fire you?”
The guy explained, “For the whole twenty years I worked there I’ve been tempted to stick my John Thomas in the pickle slicer, and today I finally did it!”
The wife screamed in horror and ran over to her husband. Then she pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done. She let out a big sigh of relief.
“You look okay,” she said. “So what happened to the pickle slicer?”
The guy said, “They fired her, too.”
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What did the O say to the Q?
Dude, your dick’s hanging out.
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My son is now at that age where he’s curious about the human body.
I guess I’ll have to hide it somewhere else now...
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I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.
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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. She usually slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”
When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April.
The teacher said, “Very good!”
And April fell back asleep.
A while later, the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?”
But April didn’t even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April.
The teacher said, “very good!”
And April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question, “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time, April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!”
The Teacher fainted.
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Today, a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance.
Long story short, my girlfriend said no.
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Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children.
After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children.
A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.
At Maria’s funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, “At last, they’re finally together.”
Her sister sitting in the front row said, “Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?”
The priest replied, “I mean her legs.”
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It’s okay if your phone autocorrects “fuck” to “duck”.
You’re still using fowl language.
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“You’ll never guess who I saw hanging out together.”
“Who?”
“DEEZ NUTS!”
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