Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
A man is visiting his elderly father in a care home.
The man asks how his father is settling in.
“Oh, it’s wonderful, son. I’ve made some great friends, I’m well rested and at night the nurses give us a hot chocolate and a Viagra before bed every night”.
When, leaving, curious to know about the Viagra, he asks a nurse.
“Excuse me, my dad told me that you serve him hot chocolate and a Viagra before bed every night, why?”
The nurse replies, “Oh, the hot chocolate is to help them fall asleep.”
“And the Viagra is to stop them rolling out of bed.”
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Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up... if you’re not in prison.
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Why do chickens wear underwear on their head?
Because their pecker is on their face.
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I’m cold, can I use your thighs as earmuffs?
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A carrot, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives.
The carrot said, “My life sucks. When I get big and fat, they cut me up and cook me.”
The pickle said, “When I get big and fat, they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar.”
The penis said, “When I get big and fat, they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against the wall till I throw up and pass out!”
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Yo mama is so ugly that she scared the crap out of the toilet.
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When two people have sex, it’s a twosome. When three people have sex, it’s a threesome.
Now I know why people call you handsome.
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Are you an elevator? Because I want to go up and down on you.
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Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
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A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.
“If I do 200 mph, will you take off your clothes?” he asked.
“Yes!” said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
“Go and get help!” he cried.
“But I can’t. I’m naked, and my clothes are gone!”
“Take my shoe”, he said, “and cover yourself.”
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station.
Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, “Please help me! My boyfriend’s stuck!”
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, “There’s nothing I can do... he’s in too far.”
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