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A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
"Oh, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

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Why are basketball players messy eaters? They’re always dribbling.

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Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

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Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

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A mother tells her little boy, "Johnny, you mustn't eat too many lollies or I'll hide the lolly jar."
Johnny asks, "Why?"
His mother says, "Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!"
The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman.
He points to her belly smiling and says, "I know what you've been doing!"

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β€œDad, how do stars die?”
β€œUsually an overdose.”

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Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

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There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

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