Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
Remember, Christmas isn’t about how big the tree is, or what’s under it.
It’s about who’s around it.
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If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
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What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
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“Hey there buddy, I have a bunch of old albums, would you like 2 CD’s...?
“Sure thanks!”
“...to see DEEZ NUTZ!”
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Our whole family is really worried about my grandfather’s Viagra addiction.
Grandma is taking it particularly hard.
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Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
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I have no interest in having kids, but can we practice anyways?
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A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.
“If I do 200 mph, will you take off your clothes?” he asked.
“Yes!” said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
“Go and get help!” he cried.
“But I can’t. I’m naked, and my clothes are gone!”
“Take my shoe”, he said, “and cover yourself.”
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station.
Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, “Please help me! My boyfriend’s stuck!”
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, “There’s nothing I can do... he’s in too far.”
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I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.
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A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
His wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!”
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