Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
His wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!”
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How is life like a penis?
Your girlfriend makes it hard.
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I’ve been feeling a little lifeless lately—would you give me mouth-to-mouth?
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What’s more fun than a kiss under the mistletoe?
Unwrapping a package under the Christmas tree.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Can I come in?”
“Can I come in, who?”
“You...”
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Yo mama is like a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.
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A man was sun bathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says snickering, “If you were a gentleman, you’d lift your hat.”
He raised an eyebrow and replied, “If you weren’t so ugly, it would lift itself.”
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Your belt looks really tight. Can I loosen it for you?
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If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
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Some call a 69 nasty.
Some see it as a nice romantic dinner for 2.
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