Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!”
The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ben Dover.”
“Ben Dover, who?”
“Ben Dover and I’ll give you a big surprise!”
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One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, “Please send me a sister.”
Santa Claus wrote him back, “OK, send me your mother.”
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My son is now at that age where he’s curious about the human body.
I guess I’ll have to hide it somewhere else now...
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Do you like bacon? Want to strip?
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Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
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I need a good place to think. Can I sit on your lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up?
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There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
The next morning, an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads “If you can catch me, you can have me”.
As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.
After this, he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week.
The next morning, an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less.
Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up.
The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says “If I catch you, you’re mine!”
The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
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Men at 25 play football.
Men at 40 play tennis.
Men at 60 play golf.
Have you noticed how as you get older, your balls get smaller?
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Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children.
After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children.
A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.
At Maria’s funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, “At last, they’re finally together.”
Her sister sitting in the front row said, “Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?”
The priest replied, “I mean her legs.”
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