Dirty Jokes



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Dirty Jokes


When two people have sex, itโ€™s a twosome. When three people have sex, itโ€™s a threesome.

Now I know why people call you handsome.

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Do you like bacon? Want to strip?

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Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œLover.

โ€œLover, who?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s me, how many lovers do you have?โ€

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Youโ€™re so sexy, my zipper is falling for you.

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Yo Mama is so nasty, I had phone sex with her, and she gave me an ear infection.

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When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer, itโ€™s โ€œartโ€ and โ€œmusicโ€.

But when I do it, Iโ€™m โ€œwastedโ€ and โ€œhave to leave Home Depotโ€.

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A man is visiting his elderly father in a care home.

The man asks how his father is settling in.

โ€œOh, itโ€™s wonderful, son. Iโ€™ve made some great friends, Iโ€™m well rested and at night the nurses give us a hot chocolate and a Viagra before bed every nightโ€.

When, leaving, curious to know about the Viagra, he asks a nurse.

โ€œExcuse me, my dad told me that you serve him hot chocolate and a Viagra before bed every night, why?โ€

The nurse replies, โ€œOh, the hot chocolate is to help them fall asleep.โ€

โ€œAnd the Viagra is to stop them rolling out of bed.โ€

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Some time ago, a young Chinese couple married.

โ€œOkay, dear husband, my mother suggested that I should please you tonight,โ€ the bride replies quietly on her wedding night. โ€œPlease tell me what you want.โ€

โ€œTo be honest... I would like... 69,โ€ the groom admits nervously after a little minute of thought.

And the bride says, โ€œYou want Beef with Broccoli?โ€

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Is that some Halloween candy in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

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While teaching a class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question, โ€œMichael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?โ€

Michael said, โ€œJust a minute, I have to go pee.โ€

The teacher responded by saying, โ€œThat would be rude and impolite. What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?โ€

Sherman said, โ€œI am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. Iโ€™ll be right back.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s better, but itโ€™s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?โ€

Johnny said, โ€œI would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.โ€

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