Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
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How is life like a penis?
Your girlfriend makes it hard.
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Knock! Knock!
โWhoโs there?โ
โKhan.โ
โKhan, who?โ
โKhan-dom broke. I hope youโre on the pill!โ
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One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, โMy elbow really hurts; I guess I should see a doctor.โ
โDonโt do that! Thereโs a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ๏ฟก10.โ
Jeffrey figured he had nothing to lose, so he took his urine sample to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the ๏ฟก10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
โYou have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.โ
Late that evening, whilst thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited ๏ฟก10.00.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
โYour tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins.
Your daughterโs using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wifeโs pregnant, with twin boys. They arenโt yours, get a lawyer.
And if you donโt stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!โ
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Got an e-mail today from a โbored housewife 33, looking for some action!โ.
Iโve sent her my ironing, thatโll keep her busy.
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Youโre so sexy, my zipper is falling for you.
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Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
The first one says, โMy daddy is so cool he can eat four burgers at one meal.โ
The second one says, โThatโs nothing. My daddy can eat six.โ
Little Jonny starts laughing and says, โMy Daddy can eat light bulbs.โ
The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks his daddy can eat light bulbs.
Little Jonny replies, โLast night I was passing my parentโs room and my daddy said โHoney, turn out that light. I want to eat that thingโ.โ
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What do tofu and dildos have in common?
Theyโre both meat substitutes.
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A man went to the doctor because he was having problems with premature ejaculation.
โTry surprising yourself when you feel like youโre about to ejaculate,โ the doctor said.
That following day, the man went to the store, purchased a starter gun, and dashed home to his wife.
That night, the two were making love and ended up in position 69.
The man felt the need to ejaculate and pulled out the starting pistol.
The next day, he returned to the doctor, who inquired about his progress.
The man answered, โNot well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my manhood, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air.โ
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Why does Santa always land on your roof?
Because he likes it on top.
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