Jokes of the Day

Old woman in church: "I've just done a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
Husband: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

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How do you stop a Mexican tank? Shoot the guy pushing it.

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A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
"Oh, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

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When the moth hit the windshield, what was the last thing to go through its mind? It's butt!

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Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.

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Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

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I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The dad said, "Well it's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. It's an asshole!"

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There are two theories of arguing with women. Neither one works.

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