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β€œI’m sorry” and β€œI apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

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A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, β€œWhat do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says β€œI’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, β€œThat’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, β€œI don’t care about what you think!”

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Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

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There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

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My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

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When the moth hit the windshield, what was the last thing to go through its mind? It's butt!

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My annual performance review says I lack β€œpassion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

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Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

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Why did the blonde get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months?
Because the box said it was for "2 to 4 years."

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What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

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