How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
"Good morning ladies!"
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
"Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob."
Teacher: "Can anyone name three kings that brought happiness and peace to earth?"
Student: "Drin-king, Smo-king, and Fuc-king!"
Dad: "Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind."
Son: "Dad, I'm over here."
Two hookers were on a street corner.
They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air."
The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."
Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
Because they have cotton balls.
Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.