Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
My girlfriend said she was going to get a colonic.
Turns out, she was full of shit.
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Seems like you sat on a big bag of sugar since you have such a sweet ass.
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Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he’s so successful that he gave a friend a new home—for free!”
The second man said, “My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs.”
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, “My son is a stockbroker, and he’s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio.”
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
The first man mentioned, “We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?”
The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is gay. I’m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio.”
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong...
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Is there space in your mouth for another tongue?
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My wife returned home from a round of golf and said she’d been injured.
She told me she’d be hit between the first and second holes.
To which I replied, “That doesn’t leave much room for a band aid.”
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A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says:
“If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons.”
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What do you call a sex toy on a Christmas tree?
A dickoration.
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I have no interest in having kids, but can we practice anyways?
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A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”
Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”
Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”
Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.”
Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?”
Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him superglue instead.”
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