Dirty Little Johnny Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.

The first one says, “My daddy is so cool he can eat four burgers at one meal.”

The second one says, “That’s nothing. My daddy can eat six.”

Little Jonny starts laughing and says, “My Daddy can eat light bulbs.”

The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks his daddy can eat light bulbs.

Little Jonny replies, “Last night I was passing my parent’s room and my daddy said ‘Honey, turn out that light. I want to eat that thing’.”

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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. She usually slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”

When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April.

The teacher said, “Very good!”

And April fell back asleep.

A while later, the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?”

But April didn’t even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April.

The teacher said, “very good!”

And April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question, “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”

And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.


The Teacher fainted.

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While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.

His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”

Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.

“That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.

Later that evening, as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”

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A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Johnny says, “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”.

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.

“And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says, “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.”

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While teaching a class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question, “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael said, “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”

The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?”

Sherman said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”

Johnny said, “I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.”

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A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers.

Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”

Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”

Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”

Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.”

Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?”

Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him superglue instead.”

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