Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dirty Dad Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
If a woman sleeps with 10 men, she’s a slut, but if a man does it... He’s gay, definitely gay.
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Why does Mrs. Claus call her lap the chimney?
So Santa will go down.
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How does Mrs. Claus make Santa feel better after a long night carrying so many heavy gifts?
She empties his sack.
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What’s more fun than a kiss under the mistletoe?
Unwrapping a package under the Christmas tree.
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Why does Mrs. Claus always pray for a white Christmas?
Because she’s married to a guy who comes once a year.
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Why do elves laugh when they run?
Because the snow tickles their balls.
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How does Santa practice safe sex?
He always wraps his package before shoving it down the chimney.
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What does a man who had a vasectomy have in common with a Christmas tree?
Their balls are both decorative.
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Why does Santa always have a full sack?
Because he only comes once a year!
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Why does Santa always land on your roof?
Because he likes it on top.
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What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney?
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
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Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
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How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
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What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls?
A white Christmas!
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Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
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If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
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How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its balls.
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Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
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How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
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What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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What did the O say to the Q?
Dude, your dick’s hanging out.
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How is life like a penis?
Your girlfriend makes it hard.
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Why did God give men penises?
So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
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Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
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What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
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What did the banana say to the vibrator?
What are you shaking about, it’s me she’s going to eat.
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I asked my wife, “So, do you think the cup is half full or half empty?”
And you know what she said?
“Please, for the love of God, could you stop wearing my bras!”
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My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes—meet me in the car park.”
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My son is now at that age where he’s curious about the human body.
I guess I’ll have to hide it somewhere else now...
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My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, but the librarian told me to take it out.
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Do you know how to say ‘I love you’ while sixty-nine?
You don’t, it’s rude to talk with your mouth full.
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What do the mafia and 69 have in common?
A slip of the tongue and you’re in for some shit.
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What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
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