Enjoy our team's carefully selected Sport Jokes for Adults. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he’s so successful that he gave a friend a new home—for free!”
The second man said, “My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs.”
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, “My son is a stockbroker, and he’s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio.”
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
The first man mentioned, “We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?”
The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is gay. I’m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio.”
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There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
The next morning, an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads “If you can catch me, you can have me”.
As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.
After this, he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week.
The next morning, an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less.
Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up.
The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says “If I catch you, you’re mine!”
The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
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After many faithful years as a Christian, John’s dedication finally paid off as he found himself the girl of his dreams.
At the wedding, he walks over to his best friend for advice.
“Hey man! What is it that I’m supposed to do when I get her all alone after the wedding?”
“Ah, that’s simple. You just take your most prized-possession and stick it in where she pees.”
“Ah! Thanks dude!”
Later that night, John took his bowling ball and put it in the toilet.
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Yo mama is like a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.
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Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, one of them died.
The other three decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body.
The 1st man said, “I support Liverpool, so I’ll eat his liver.”
The 2nd man said, “I support Manchester, so I’ll eat his chest.”
The 3rd man said, “I support Arsenal... but I’m not very hungry.”
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One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts; I guess I should see a doctor.”
“Don’t do that! There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ￡10.”
Jeffrey figured he had nothing to lose, so he took his urine sample to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the ￡10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
“You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.”
Late that evening, whilst thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited ￡10.00.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
“Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins.
Your daughter’s using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife’s pregnant, with twin boys. They aren’t yours, get a lawyer.
And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!”
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I’m 45 years old, and I just bought my very first sports car.
My girlfriend thinks I’m going through a midlife crisis.
But what would she know? She’s only 18.
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!”
The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie.
“Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.”
So he tied her up and went to watch a football match.
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Last night on ESPN, I was watching Women’s beach volleyball.
About three minutes into the game, there was a really bad wrist injury.
The doctor said I should be fine in a few days though.
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My wife returned home from a round of golf and said she’d been injured.
She told me she’d be hit between the first and second holes.
To which I replied, “That doesn’t leave much room for a band aid.”
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Men at 25 play football.
Men at 40 play tennis.
Men at 60 play golf.
Have you noticed how as you get older, your balls get smaller?
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