Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dirty Puns. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What is a long, wide thing that men carry hanging in front of it?
Tie.
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What goes in hard and dry, then comes out wet and soft?
Chewing gum.
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Why isn’t Santa able to ejaculate?
His balls are hanging in the tree.
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After all these years, how do Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus keep the marriage fresh?
Toys.
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What does Santa Claus have in common with a teenage boy?
They both empty their sacks into socks while the family is asleep.
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Why is Santa so damn jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty women live.
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How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
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Erotic is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.
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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup.
I said, “Well, I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet.”
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Our whole family is really worried about my grandfather’s Viagra addiction.
Grandma is taking it particularly hard.
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What do tofu and dildos have in common?
They’re both meat substitutes.
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What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A dry Martinez.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong...
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Why men’s voice is louder than women?
Men have an antenna.
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Why does Santa’s crotch make noise when he walks?
He has jingle balls.
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What do you call a sex toy on a Christmas tree?
A dickoration.
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What do you call a guy with a small dick?
Just-in.
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What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.
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Why do chickens wear underwear on their head?
Because their pecker is on their face.
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Why is it so hard to argue with a woman who is not wearing a bra?
She’s already made two great points.
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My girlfriend said she was going to get a colonic.
Turns out, she was full of shit.
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We just found out Grandpa is now addicted to Viagra.
Nobody is taking it harder than Grandma.
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When two people have sex, it’s a twosome. When three people have sex, it’s a threesome.
Now I know why people call you handsome.
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It’s okay if your phone autocorrects “fuck” to “duck”.
You’re still using fowl language.
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What do Asians call 69?
Two can chew.
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Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
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