Enjoy our team's carefully selected dirty jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest dirty jokes with your friends!
Husband: “Hey honey, how about a 69 tonight?”
Wife: “The number you have dialed is not in service at this time.”
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Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he’s so successful that he gave a friend a new home—for free!”
The second man said, “My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs.”
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, “My son is a stockbroker, and he’s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio.”
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
The first man mentioned, “We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?”
The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is gay. I’m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio.”
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A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work.
One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
“Oh My God, hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled at her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”
“I can’t jump out the window!” came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. “It’s raining out there!”
“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied.
“He’s got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!”
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window.
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon. He started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.
It wasn’t that effective.
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh yes,” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you’re running.”
Another runner moved alongside, “Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?”
“Oh, yes,” he answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home.”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Only if it’s raining.”
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What’s a nice person like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
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I need a good place to think. Can I sit on your lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up?
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“I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife.
She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”
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I’ve entered every country, but you are one place I’ve yet to explore.
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Why isn’t Santa able to ejaculate?
His balls are hanging in the tree.
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Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ben Dover.”
“Ben Dover, who?”
“Ben Dover and I’ll give you a big surprise!”
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